I no longer wish to travel over holiday weekends.
Holiday weekend trips are not ok.
I’ve been talking with my therapist a lot lately about how much pressure I put on everything. From mundane situations, like saying hello to someone at the gym, to higher stakes events, like a job interview, I often view everything as a make or break moment. Sometimes the pressure to perform is helpful. It makes me more alert, careful with my words, and elicits a better result; I have always been an excellent test taker, unsurprisingly. But at other times, this pressure can foil enjoying a low stakes scenario, by turning it into a high stakes one. If it’s suddenly table stakes to say hi, even for a usually fleeting interaction with little downside, I’m probably coming across as nervous and unconfident, rather than calm and cool, which are far more attractive qualities. And no one wants to come across less attractive than they think they are.
And this got me thinking - when else do I feel like I’m in a high stakes situation that really isn’t that deep, and where does this pressure come from? While a lot of the pressure I put on situations comes from myself,1 can I really be to blame for everything? I am going to go ahead and say no. Indeed, there are external forces which can cause this pressure - like our peers, society, the calendar, etc. And by those powers combined is borne the holiday weekend trip.
The ‘holiday’ in a holiday weekend introduces a lot of pressure, and that takes a lot of the fun out of what is supposed to be a time to enjoy and relax. Three day weekend getaways show up, scream “we’re all gonna have fun!” in your face, take your money, leave you tired and frazzled, and dump you right back out into the real world where you’re left thinking ‘I can’t wait for next weekend when I can hide at home and do little to nothing.’ Isn’t that the opposite of the intended effect?
Traveling for a holiday weekend is a logistical nightmare. Planning a trip over one is right up there with moving and the dinner scene in The Family Stone in terms of stress levels. On the one hand, they require committing to a time and place well in advance of the actual holiday - especially if you’re going to a gay destination.2 Holiday weekend traffic is a mess, airports are overcrowded and flights often delayed. Part of the fun of a getaway should be the getaway, but good luck waiting in that Delta Lounge line while your flight is delayed next time you’re headed away. Plus, when you finally arrive, your destination will likely be overcrowded, overpriced, and overrun with people you see every week at home if you’re going somewhere popular. I’m not here for paying more simply because the banks are closed on Monday, and I am certainly not interested in doing so surrounded by guys that ignore me on normal weekends. Add in a group trip element, requiring you to balance other people’s wants/needs/budgets/neuroses and is it me or does planning a holiday weekend away now sound like a literal worst nightmare?
My least favorite part of holiday weekend trips, though, is the attendant socio-political gamesmanship they induce. Many of us use holiday weekend plans as an opportunity to flex and brand ourselves3 as cool, part of the “in crowd,” rich, or however we want you to perceive us. That P-town for Labor Day trip is as much about having fun when you’re there as it is about telling everyone you’re going for the three weeks leading up to it - a truly excellent branding opportunity. Indeed, just saying you’re going to a popular destination for a holiday allows the recipient of that information to infer so much about you: 1. You must have cool4 friends you’re going with, 2. You must fit in with all of the other cool and hot people that typically go there, and 3. You must have a lot of money. This applies equally in person; simply existing in the Hamptons over the 4th of July means anyone who spots you knows you are rich and/or have important friends, and the weekend suddenly becomes one giant networking opportunity. Social media amplifies it as well - that PS selfie or picture of the pool at the house you rented is about 1. Signaling to your crushes in town that you are there without the risk of rejection involved with directly reaching out, and 2. Showing your circle you’re cool, chic, and able to afford this kind of trip, aka someone they should find attractive.5 I don’t know about you, but I’m trying to go on vacation and sleep, get some sun, maybe get ****ed, eat and drink well, and definitely look cute including in a few story posts. The social climbing and quite frankly, bragging, many of us engage in (consciously or not) when planning and subsequently projecting what’s probably supposed to be a cute beach or desert moment is completely exhausting, and of course shallow, meaningless, and off putting. It adds a lot of pressure to what should be a time to disconnect, rendering holiday trips more stressful than they are worth.
And so I’m finally realizing - I don’t like traveling over holiday weekends. Memorial Day weekend is the perfect example of why, since it really is the worst offender of all. MDW is the alleged unofficial kickoff to summer, but why do we all ignore that the weather usually sucks?6 I vividly remember sulking around an eastern Long Island town in my literal winter jacket one MDW not that long ago, thinking many things,7 not the least of which, “I wanna go home.” Even if the weather cooperates, everything else wrong with holiday weekend trips still applies. I know that 75% of the gay population of LA was in PS this weekend, where it was sunny, hot, and generally quite summery from what I can tell. But when I’ve gone in the past, it’s much more crowded, traffic is NOT ok unless you have a flexible enough work schedule allowing you to leave before noon, and did I mention 75% of the gay population of LA was there? Traveling to where everyone you know or are generally around at home relocated to for the weekend makes it feel less like a getaway, and more like another normal weekend, except it’s more uncomfortable and expensive to exist. Finally, people seem to talk about their MDW plans for weeks leading up to it, more so than any other holiday IMO, because it’s the first predestined time to get away after the winter, and also an opportunity to talk about the rest of your summer plans.8 People absolutely mention their 4th or Labor Day plans a lot, but because we’re all generally busier in the summer, you don’t get to hammer that point home over and over again like you do anticipating MDW.
Don’t get me wrong - I have had many very fun MDW9 and holiday weekend trips with friends, at gay and non-gay destinations. But when I’m thinking about the best trips I’ve taken, they haven’t been over any holiday, but on my own time. Yes, the extra day off on holiday weekends makes staying an extra night feasible for everyone. OK, but, and this may be a dumb question,10 is it not possible to just take another Monday11 off another time? Why rush to enjoy this predetermined day you had no control over? Like Carlton Gebbia once said, “Don’t you dare command me.” And true, it can be fun to be around a lot of your friends and people you know at once - but the deeper I get into my 30s, the more I realize many of the unhealthy and unsustainable motivations behind wanting to go where everyone else is going, whatever that means. My new favorite behavior? Traveling right after a holiday weekend. So if anyone wants to go to Greece or Turkey the second week of September, I am available.
I am a judgmental, neurotic, and lightly narcissistic gay male according to my therapist, and we are working on it!
The fact that I decided to allegedly go to Fire Island for Labor Day 2023, in September of 2022, is completely ridiculous.
I notably mentioned my Labor Day plans on Fire Island already.
Or rich friends, if you’re staying with them.
Guilty of this behavior ofc.
It’s my understanding it was nice on the East Coast this year - you got lucky! And there is no such thing as “weather” in Palm Springs, so I see your logic for going there generally.
Libra.
“Oh nice, I’ll be on Fire Island for the 4th.” Can’t you hear someone saying that to you after saying you’re going for MDW?
Shout out to Rehoboth and Boca.
And it might reveal some privilege, noted.
Friday is the actual superior day off for a 3 day weekend.