“It’s not fair to assume that people are only looking for hookups at all times unless they disclose otherwise.” And it’s also not fair to assume that people who talk to you are looking for *anything*, be it a hook up or a relationship or a date or whatever. Sometimes people talk to you because they want to meet new people, they want to get to know you, they’re looking for friends, they’re bored, they know you have a common interest with them, they know you have mutual friends, etc. Especially at a bar or a party or something, socializing is the point of being there, even if you might have additional goals on top of that.
In the vast majority of conversations I have with people, whether I’m single or not is completely irrelevant. There’s literally no way for me to know whether you think my singleness is relevant or not, so I shouldn’t be expected to read your mind. (As opposed to, say, disclosing a problem with a house that’s being sold—be it cracks in the foundation or ghosts—that is 100% going to be relevant to the buyer no matter what, which is where that metaphor falls apart.) And like you said, straight up saying your relationship status at the beginning of a conversation feels very aggressive and presumptuous. So why do the people you’re talking to need to play the game of figuring out when to mention that rather than you doing so as the person who feels like they need that information?
So really the solution here is exactly what you landed on: if knowing whether the person you’re talking to is single or not is important for your decision to continue the conversation or not, you’ve got to ask. Is it awkward? Sure. But so is “disclosing” your own relationship status without the power to read the other person’s mind to know whether that is something important to say. You asking is really the only solution that’s fair; it’s simply not reasonable to ask the rest of us to wear a sign around our necks announcing our relationship status so you can decide whether we’re worth talking to.
“It’s not fair to assume that people are only looking for hookups at all times unless they disclose otherwise.” And it’s also not fair to assume that people who talk to you are looking for *anything*, be it a hook up or a relationship or a date or whatever. Sometimes people talk to you because they want to meet new people, they want to get to know you, they’re looking for friends, they’re bored, they know you have a common interest with them, they know you have mutual friends, etc. Especially at a bar or a party or something, socializing is the point of being there, even if you might have additional goals on top of that.
In the vast majority of conversations I have with people, whether I’m single or not is completely irrelevant. There’s literally no way for me to know whether you think my singleness is relevant or not, so I shouldn’t be expected to read your mind. (As opposed to, say, disclosing a problem with a house that’s being sold—be it cracks in the foundation or ghosts—that is 100% going to be relevant to the buyer no matter what, which is where that metaphor falls apart.) And like you said, straight up saying your relationship status at the beginning of a conversation feels very aggressive and presumptuous. So why do the people you’re talking to need to play the game of figuring out when to mention that rather than you doing so as the person who feels like they need that information?
So really the solution here is exactly what you landed on: if knowing whether the person you’re talking to is single or not is important for your decision to continue the conversation or not, you’ve got to ask. Is it awkward? Sure. But so is “disclosing” your own relationship status without the power to read the other person’s mind to know whether that is something important to say. You asking is really the only solution that’s fair; it’s simply not reasonable to ask the rest of us to wear a sign around our necks announcing our relationship status so you can decide whether we’re worth talking to.